I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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