Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
