i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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