Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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