just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
