I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
