you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
