Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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