I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
love makes seman taste better
i dont even know how to be here
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
