I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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