oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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