I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize