So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
