Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
