What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
