Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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