You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
