Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
