Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
