im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
