i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
