You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
