Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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