Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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