hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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