if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
