Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I could fuck to npr.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
