Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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