So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
