Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
