He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
