You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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