i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
