Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
