This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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