My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Randomize
