And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
