it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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