not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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