Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
