I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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