I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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