So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
