Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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