I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
