so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
