Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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