i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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