Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
