I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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