I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
