Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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