also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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