I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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