So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
