i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you are never too drunk for berry picking
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
