Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
