is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
