he wants to bone in the snuggie
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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