All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
