I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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