he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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