did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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