the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
