how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
