i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
