Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize