went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
