Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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